Information is used as a type of power, and in a way that still confuses me, there are lots of statements and meetings, showmanship in community, codified real expectations and literature to refer to, yet the company is constantly moving forward in every direction, leaving a good portion of the "known" in the job to be constantly changing. Superfluidity is natural, and essential for good progress, and great learning! I loved the excitement of it all, however there was not a lot of accountability between departments about mismanagement, misuse of funds or spaces, etc. It's a beautiful place to visit, but becomes quite sad after a while too. The heart in one makes one feel responsible or culpable for having exposed something, and dampening the mood, or anything to not be staring at the glaring cracks in the company. Derelict ideas sat around for so long that it becomes arguments through months, jousting of time usage between departments, in some odd game that only leaves the company itself burdened and wounded. Every board meeting the store and facility became something completely different, and most employees have a sullen sense of their sense in the line when the time comes around; those who present with responsibilities scramble to collect and explain ourselves, and those shadows that grease and sell the real commodities see how much the company is willing to perform for the board's sake. Every protocol could be abandoned if it might secure a donor or client, and it had an odd guilt in my throat the whole time, I left most days at work feeling like I had a bone stuck in my throat. It's a sad place, with really happy wonderful people, somehow working against each other to achieve something good! Quite the hyperbole, and I really struggle to live in absurdity, and it felt that way more often than it felt like I was doing my job. Love you all!
