Welcome to the Era of Standards™ (Results May Include Trauma)
Pros
PROS (because even a broken clock is right twice a day): - You taught us what a keyboard looks like — revolutionary stuff for an IT company, truly - You single-handedly united the entire team... in silent misery - Interns now have real-world experience of a toxic workplace — saved them the suspense for later in their careers - You proved that you don't need a single relevant skill to hold power — inspirational, really - Company is definitely "learning" — mostly learning how to walk on eggshells - Your old-school computer knowledge keeps the 1987 spirit alive and well
Cons
CONS (shocking, I know): - Somehow, loyalty of 12+ years means absolutely nothing to you — but hey, neither does logic - Anyone who holds up a mirror to you mysteriously becomes "the problem" — must be exhausting living in a funhouse - Brainwashing interns wasn't exactly in the job description, but here we are - The only certification you actually brought was a Diploma in Manipulation (unaccredited) - CEO's best friends aren't safe. Veterans aren't safe. Basically, breathing near you is a liability - Freedom, creativity, and independent thought? Gone. But at least the ISO paperwork looks pretty. In conclusion: Thank you for showing us that the most dangerous person in any company isn't the one with the least skills — it's the one with the most unchecked authority and zero self-awareness.